Friday, 16 March 2012

My shocking sex confession

I am fairly unshockable but a headline in the Daily Mail this morning took my breath away.

It reads,’“We abstained from having sex until we got married”: Ali Landry reveals startling wedding night secret'.

Ali Landry is a 38-year-old actress and former Miss USA who made the astounding confession on a talk show that she waited until her wedding night to sleep with second spouse Alejandro Monteverde (She annulled her first marriage just two weeks after the wedding because her husband had been unfaithful).

This, coupled with the equally astounding revelation in this morning’s Metro that a British man has been married to the same woman for 64 years (his name is the Duke of Edinburgh), has emboldened me to make a shocking personal confession.

My hope in doing this is that others might also feel able to ‘come out’ about their past sexual behaviour as, I'm sure you will agree, there is often strength in knowing that we are not alone in our personal experiences.

Ok so here goes. I lost my virginity aged 24 on my wedding night almost thirty years ago (to my first wife!) and have only had one sexual partner since (ie. my first wife to whom I am still married).

So there you have it. Has it all been plain-sailing? Of course not, and we have needed a huge amount of help and support along the way, surprisingly mostly coming from someone who never married and has never had sex.

But I think that is already enough information for now.

17 comments:

  1. why is this shocking?

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  2. Well done. I bet you're glad it's out now. Now we all know the truth. (Actually, I think I guessed it anyway..!)

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  3. It will be 27 years ago in April that my wife and I lost our virginity to each other on our honeymoon. We have stayed faithful and monogamous in the 27 years since. Why did we abstain from sex before marriage, and indeed sex outside of marriage? Simply because that's God's best for us, our emergent family and the society we live in, and that what we wanted and still want today.

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  4. What! You mean you only had sex with one woman, and then only when you had married her!

    You poor impoverished creature! No sleeping around, no interesting experiments in Soho .... just one woman for the whole of the last x ..... my, you have lost out!

    Guess what? This woman, too, was shrewd enough to guess what your confession was. She also suspects that you have gained far more than people might imagine you have lost and that your children, your friends and society have gained immeasurably, too.

    I am the daughter of parents who were married for 42 years, so can testify to the stability that gave us. Too many children today grow up without it. Next wedding anniversary, add my congratulations to the rest and I wish you many more years of happiness together.

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  5. I get annoyed when people are embarrassed to say that they waited until they got married to have sex. Why? You're not defective in any way and you don't need to worry about what STIs you or your partner might have picked up along the way. I'm proud to say I waited until I was married. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it.

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  6. I want to add my joyful confession to those who have already done.I have been married to the same woman for 47 yrs,slept with her for the first time after we were married,have never had sex with any other woman since,and do not feel deprived or That I have lost out in any way

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  7. Thanks for sharing all these testimonies folks. So I guess I am not that unusual after all :-)

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  8. Ha! I thought that my circle of friends from my church and I are the only people who wait to meet our wives and keep pure until we meet them. We are also having to go through taking courage from the One who never married and has never had sex. And, by the way, it works very well.

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  9. >> his name is the Duke of Edinburgh

    That's his title, not his name. And btw, if you are proposing to use him as a model for monogamy, you are bound to be disappointed - the man has been whoring around with every woman in the Queen's coterie for the past 60 odd years. Our poor Queen has had no choice but to put up with the philandering so-and-so, who has allegedly fathered many bastards. The Queen, fortunately or unfortunately, is of the generation to whom divorce was dishonourable. Not the best example of marital fidelity, I am afraid. Chances are he was not a virgin on his wedding night either. I'm amazed you did not know this. But I forget - you are a Kiwi, and perhaps Philip's shenanigans have not reached Kiwi shores.

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  10. >> my first wife to whom I am still married.

    A strange way of describing your wife.

    How many wives DO you have?

    >> a huge amount of help and support along the way, surprisingly mostly coming from someone who never married and has never had sex.

    Who would that be then? If you mean God, it's not suprising at all is it? He is the author of sex, is he not? After all, he invented sex for man (and woman) to enjoy, within the context of a committed loving relationship that we call marriage. And, shock horror, I was a virgin too when I married (as was my darling wife) - however, I cannot pretend that it had anything to do with religion (I was only a nominal christian at the time), perhaps some of us value our bodies too much to cheapen it by having sex with those whom we do not love or respect, and are not married to. I am glad I waited - it made it all the more enjoyable. The important thing is to pass this lesson on to our children - too many christians are afraid to teach abstinence to the younger generation (just look at the Queen and the Duke).

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  11. Btw, that story about Ali Landry (never heard of the woman until this moment) - doesn't sound much like she was a virgin on her wedding night. Looks like she'd consummated her relationship with the first husband (probably well before the marriage), then discovered he was shagging other women, and had the marriage annulled. Somewhere along the way she got religion, so she decided to abstain with the second husband. Not sure why she feels the need to tell the rest of the world about her sexual continence - does she want a medal for what ordinary men and women do without trumpeting from the rooftops?

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  12. More information please ... I was intellectually sparring with a friend who intends to keep herself 'pure' til her wedding night, one of the consolations she has about not getting any action now is that 'it will be soooooo much better, because i'll have waited for so long and it will be with someone i love'. personally, i think that can't be true. it could be rubbish. maybe you could change my mind if you tell the story of your wedding night.

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    1. Tom Oakley,
      My wedding night was fabulous - everything and more I'd always dreamed of. The important thing is

      1) to be well prepared. With all the information out there on how to have good sex, and what women like, this is not very difficult. There are even classes one can attend to learn how to please a woman (they don't involve actual sex). I understand these classes are all the rage in America, especially among the non-virginal. Just goes to show that getting "action" before marriage does not necessarily make you a better lover.

      2) to do it with someone you love with all your heart and are committed to. This bit is slightly more difficult. I kissed a lot of frogs (but didn't shag them) before I found my princess - and she was well worth the wait. It is much more exciting when you've waited for the one you love, instead of indulging in casual meaningless sex. Shagging someone before marrying them strips it of all the mystery.

      And by the way, my mate who believes in your philosophy rather than mine (he shagged a number of women before settling down with his now wife) ended up having his wife leave him for another man - one of the reasons she cited was that the other bloke was a much better lover (the other man had had only one other partner before her - and that was his wife). So, be warned, promiscuity does not make a person more adept at lovemaking.

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  13. Sarah Holden2 April 2012 21:57

    Who is the person who never married and never had sex that you had help and support from? Your priest? My husband and I were told that the Kamasutra was written by an ancient Indian sage who was celibate like your own advisor. So I suppose it is possible for the unmarried and celibate to know more about these things than the "experienced".

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    1. Sarah Holden2 April 2012 22:03

      And, by the way, we too were celibate until we married - and we had a jolly good time discovering each other! I think those who are promiscuous are missing out on the joys of keeping yourself for the person you love.

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    2. Jesus Christ of course! :-)

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  14. I got married at 27 as a virgin male.

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